‘SENILE VIRUS’

Just got this from a reliable source. It seems there is a virus called the “Senile Virus” that even the most advanced programs of Norton and McAfee cannot take care of it; so be warned. The virus appears to affect those of us who were born before 1950!

Symptoms of the Senile Virus:

  1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice.
  2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail.
  3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person.
  4. Causes you to send e-mail back to the person who sent it to you.
  5. Causes you to forget to attach attachments.
  6. Causes you to hit “SEND” before you’ve finished the e-mail.

Remember?

  1. I don’t remember if I sent this one out. . . .
  2. I don’t think I did . . . uh, . . or did you send it to me?
  3. Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded . . .
  4. God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

humor

Now that I’m ‘older’ (but refuse to grow up), here’s what I’ve discovered:

  1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
  2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.
  3. I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.
  4. Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded. . .
  5. Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded. . .
  6. All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.
  7. If all is not lost, where is it?
  8. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
  9. Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded. . .
  10. Some days you’re the dog; some days you’re the hydrant.
  11. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few.
  12. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
  13. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
  14. Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded. . .
  15. It’s hard to make a come-back when you haven’t been anywhere.
  16. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you’re in the bathroom.
  17. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
  18. When I’m finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?
  19. Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded. . .
  20. It’s not hard to meet expenses . . . they’re everywhere.
  21. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
  22. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter. I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I’m here after.
  23. I unable to remember if I have mailed this to you or not.
  24. Funny, I don’t remember being . . . uh, what’s it called? Oh, yeah, . . . absent minded.

Now, I think you’re supposed to send this to 5 or 6, maybe 8, maybe 10, oh, heck, just send it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are. Then something is supposed to happen. . . I think. Maybe you get your memory back or something! I think. . .

humorOnce there were three trees on a hill in the woods. They were discussing their hopes and dreams when the first tree said, “Someday I hope to be a treasure chest. I could be filled with gold, silver and precious gems. I could be decorated with intricate carving and everyone would see the beauty.”

Then the second tree said, “Someday I will be a mighty ship. I will take kings and queens across the waters and sail to the corners of the world. Everyone will feel safe in me because of the strength of my hull.”

Finally the third tree said, “I want to grow to be the tallest and straightest tree in the forest. People will see me on top of the hill and look up to my branches, and think of the heavens and God and how close to them I am reaching. I will be the greatest tree of all time and people will always remember me.”

After a few years of praying that their dreams would come true, a group of woodsmen came upon the trees. When one came to the first tree he said, “This looks like a strong tree, I think I should be able to sell the wood to a carpenter,” and he began cutting it down. The tree was happy, because he knew that the carpenter would make him into a treasure chest.

At the second tree the woodsman said, “This looks like a strong tree, I should be able to sell it to the shipyard.” The second tree was happy because he knew he was on his way to becoming a mighty ship.

When the woodsmen came upon the third tree, the tree was frightened because he knew that if they cut him down his dreams would not come true. One of the woodsmen said, “I don’t need anything special from my tree, I’ll take this one,” and he cut it down.

When the first tree arrived at the carpenters, he was made into a feed box for animals. He was then placed in a barn and filled with hay. This was not at all what he had prayed for. The second tree was cut and made into a small fishing boat. His dreams of being a mighty ship and carrying kings had come to an end. The third tree was cut into large pieces and left alone in the dark. The years went by, and the trees forgot about their dreams.

Then one day, a man and woman came to the barn. She gave birth and they placed the baby in the hay in the feed box that was made from the first tree. The man wished that he could have made a crib for the baby, but this manger would have to do. The tree could feel the importance of this event and knew that it had held the greatest treasure of all time.

Years later, a group of men got in the fishing boat made from the second tree. One of them was tired and went to sleep. While they were out on the water, a great storm arose and the tree didn’t think it was strong enough to keep the men safe. The men woke the sleeping man, and He stood and said “Peace” and the storm stopped. At this time, the tree knew that it had carried the King of Kings in its boat.

Finally, someone came and got the third tree. It was carried through the streets as the people mocked the man who was carrying it. When they came to a stop, the man was nailed to the tree and raised in the air to die at the top of a hill. When Sunday came, the tree came to realize that it was strong enough to stand at the top of the hill and be as close to God as was possible, because Jesus had been crucified on it.

The moral of this story is that when things don’t seem to be going your way, always know that God has a plan for you. If you place your trust in Him, He will give you great gifts. Each of the trees got what they wanted, just not in the way they had imagined. We don’t always know what God’s plans are for us. We just know that His ways are not our ways, but His ways are always best.

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